Yesterday I think I met Jesus on the bus. Not Flowing Robes and Beard Jesus, but Second Coming Jesus. He didn't actually refer to himself as Jesus, and he didn't actually refer to God being his father, but he implied both. (Actually, he referred to God as his dad, only. Creepy.) Here are some things I learned about him:
Jesus is either gay or a child molester. He referred to playing with little boys, but I couldn't figure out what he meant by that. Its ok though, God picked out a wife for him who happens to be a lesbian, and she's smoking hot and they're going to have a beautiful family. Oh, and both of them are going to be straight from here on out. It was God's plan that they were both gay (or whatever) beforehand.
God and Jesus don't have any problems with gay, lesbian, transsexual or transgendered people. Its all cool with them.
The Kingdom of Heaven on Earth is 150 feet out into Puget Sound. You can see the new WAMU building from it. Jesus goes to see God 15 minutes after he falls asleep every night.
Jesus is going to build a casino in Las Vegas and some other buildings in LA and Israel somewhere. This is to get all the homeless people off the streets. God's been having the tent cities shut down so they can move off the streets.
The Jews are his people. Also, the Jews have taken over Riverside, CA and kicked everybody else out.
I think that's all.