January 28th, 2007


Ow! My eyes! (rated 4 stars)

I knew this movie was going to be bad, but not that bad. It reached new levels of appalling, so much so that I don’t know how to properly qualify it.

Anyhow, it was in 3-D, which was quite novel, even though the film was quite flat in general (except for the boobies, but they didn’t really pop out at you in that way). For being a porno, there wasn’t that much sex, though. Mostly it was switching from bizarre non-sequitur to bizarre non-sequitur.

It started out with three trojan soldiers coming off the beach looking for Troy. Then there was this guy falling out of a plane into a pool. Oh, and one of the trojan soldiers was wearing a pink bunny costume. Then later on the other two trojan soldiers were dressed up as big-bird and some swamp creature.

The sex scenes were disappointingly short, and only one really used the 3-D to any effect when the cum-shot came right at you. Brilliant!

Oh, and the director was really, really annoying.

After the movie my eyes were all manner of messed up due to the glasses. Bleh.

Don’t go see this movie, really.